why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it because I queefed?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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