don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
