call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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