Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
