Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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