I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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