she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
