My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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