Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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