SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the condom got lost in my hair
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
