Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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