Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
