do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
wow bdsm is so cute
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
