You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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