my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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