I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
