garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
