thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
