marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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