You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
