theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
