Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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