is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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