Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
