Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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