I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
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Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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