I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
