You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
