he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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