So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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