They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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