where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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