Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Houston, we have a blender
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
