I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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