Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
