I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
