I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
