and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
