when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
