no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
