good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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