Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
