I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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