covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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