Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
