If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
