LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
