I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
