okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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