he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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