No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh god it's open bar.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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