why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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