sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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