I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
