That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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