first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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