I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
