I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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