Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
