dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
