I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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