nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
