You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
