new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
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mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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