I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
